ELECTIONS: 129 Councillors have to walk home

Elections time is always a tense time on the Gravy Train – there’s always the risk for some of our passengers that their ticket will be revoked. Preparations started many weeks back when we asked Glen Agliotti if we could make use of some of his ‘heavies’. You see some of our more reluctant passengers may need a little persuasion to leave.

There’s only so much brute-force can achieve however: heaven knows how we will evict Khulubuse Zuma from the train should the need ever arise – the doors are only so wide. Thankfully, he is comfortably entrenched in his cabin and he’s in no danger of losing his free ride any time soon.

As I type, 129 ward councillors from the ANC have lost their seats, and with this all their Gravy Train privileges – you know, the cushy salary, easy hours, tenderpreneur opportunities and of course, the snack bar. For them, the next stop is the end of the line and they will be politely ejected. They will have to walk home.

New tickets will then be issued to all those who have won those seats and they will have the opportunity to take ride on this prestigious train. Whether they will take up that offer or not is up to them. Hell, if I’m blunt I hope they knuckle down and do some work for a change, we need all the space we can get - the train’s busy enough as it is.

Khulubuse Zuma at the trough again

That we have a lot of well connected people on this train goes without saying. Connections are vital for organising a ticket. Let's face it - the tickets are free but you need to know the right people to get one. It's not as if an education, class, skills or competence qualifies you for a ride on this train. And as far as connections go, our next passenger goes all the way to the top. You know, there are many fat cats on this train but few come fatter than this. Follow me to the dining carriage where we are sure to find Khulubuse Zuma (or Beast as we like to call him). Please, do try to keep your distance - there was an awful mix up last year when Beast bit off a bit more than he could chew from one of Kenny Kunene's famous sushi platters.

Khulubuse Zuma

You must know of him: he's is the president's nephew; he's a director of Aurora Empowerment systems with Zondwa Mandela (Madiba's grandson) and Michael Hulley (Jacob Zuma's lawyer) amongst many other dubious achievements. Aurora have been trying to buy two mines from the liquidated Pamodzi Gold since October 2009. They haven't been able to raise the finance but keep getting extentions from the liquidators (see what connections can do for you?) but in the meantime, they've stopped paying the workers, the mines have ground to a halt, they've stopped pumping acid mine water and the mines are being ransacked. Oh, yes, and the odd 'illegal miner' has been killed by their security guards.

One would think, with his financial troubles at Aurora, Beast would need to do a bit of, ahem, belt tightening. But the Gravy Train waits for no man and he recently pledged R1 million to the ANC at an fundraiser in a swanky hotel in Zimbali.

REFERENCES
R1m ANC pledge
Liquidator's reaction to Solidarity claims
Solidarity threatens legal action
Aurora funding extension
Aurora mine killings
Other deals

While he was gorging himself on the dessert tray, one Aurora employee chose to swallow ant poison instead. The poor fellow. Add another corpse to Beast's growing tally. Anyhow, there's always a silver lining as KZN provincial spokesperson Makhosi Khoza announced after the fundraiser: "The good news is that we want to confirm that we did have a good fundraising dinner".

Please stand away from the edge of the platform: the Gravy Train is coming through. Choo Choo!