Houses, houses, big and small

It's Thursday now and many of us on the train are still recovering from the massive celebrations on the weekend. Wow! What a wedding! One would think we would be able to handle all the partying by now but it does become quite a drain after a while. Not all of us are as fit as we should be - I'm looking at you Khulubuse. It was only a few weeks ago that everyone was partying up a storm at the renewal of the Mpisanes' wedding vows and Sbu's 40th birthday bash.

You must know the Mpisanes: they are amongst the highest achievers on the train – we are very proud of them. They have been getting a lot of mileage in the press too. We all appreciate the publicity.

You see Shauwn (that's the wife) is the daughter of the late Florence Mkhize. Florence was the chairperson of the eThekwini Municipality Housing Committee. Of course I am sure that it’s purely coincidental that Shauwn’s company Zikhulise Cleaning and Transport has won numerous tenders to build houses and schools from the eThekwini municipality. There have been some problems with the houses though: houses were demolished as they were unsafe and many more are in a poor state; Residents are demanding more houses be rebuilt; Many of them still don’t have water or sanitation years after moving in.

The media and the opposition parties are so hard on Shauwn. Don’t they realize it’s very difficult to be able to turn massive profits from such cheap housing? She’s had to cut every corner conceivable just to be able to scrape together enough money to buy her R15m house and her husband Sbu’s 30 supercars.

Now Sbu is another card. He was a key witness in the trial of the wealthy Mandla Gcaba while he was a Metro Police officer in Durban. Gcaba was accused of being involved in a shooting outside the High Court in Durban. Three people had died and six had been wounded. Sbu’s car was identified as the getaway vehicle – but he failed to testify and then disappeared. Later he started driving a Lamborghini to work! He has expanded his collection since so much that he and Shauwn bought the house next door, flattened it and built a garage for all his cars. Shauwn gave him a R1,8 million Maserati for his 40th birthday party.

Ah yes, the party… what a spectacle. It was Sbu’s 40th and the renewal of the couple’s wedding vows. A five day extravaganza that made Duduzile’s wedding bash look like Steve Hofmeyr night at the local karaoke. It apparently cost in excess of R1 million. They could have saved R30k though, as kwaito star Professor didn’t even bother to pitch after they had paid him. The couple wore Egyptian themed outfits – as Sbu said, they are a couple who like class.

After all this partying we’re not sure what the rest of the year holds in store. If it carries on like this we’re going to need liver transplants. And it’s so much harder to jump the queue since Dr Manto Tshabalala-Msimang passed on. Oh well, we will just have to struggle through. Amandla! Viva The Gravy Train! Viva!

January 2010 The mystery of Mpisane millions
March 2010 Taxman confiscates R17m in cars
April 2010 Mpisane houses need 'rectification'
August 2010 Mpisane houses demolished
January 2011 Residents’ hopes go down the toilet
March 2011 Love me tenders...
March 2011 Housing Scandals in Durban
26 March No expense spared for glitzy bash

The Gravy Train doesn't stop at Ficksburg

Andries Tatane was killed during a service delivery protest in Ficksburg yesterday. Nathi Mthethwa has urged the country to wait for the results of a full investigation into the incident before jumping to conclusions. This is ridiculous. We are all able to see the violent and brutal way in which the police clamped down on the protestors from the footage aired on SABC news. We could all see the police surrounding and beating Mr Tatane. We don't need investigators to tell us that the police acted with excessive force. Surely the minister could admit to this much instead of sticking his head in the ground and pretending it did not happen?

Sadly, this sort of incident is all too common and it's only the fact that it was filmed and broadcast that sets it apart from the many other police crimes. The Independent Complaints Directorate (ICD) has admitted that the 6 375 cases it investigated in 2009/10 does probably not even cover the full spectre of police criminality. This includes crimes as such as rape, murder, and assault with intent, allegedly carried out by police officers on citizens who, in some instances, had turned to the police to protect them.

It's no surprise that the Police are getting more and more brutal. The culture of shoot first, ask questions later has been championed by Bheki Cele. There were warnings that the militarisation of the police ranks could turn back to clock to an Apartheid-style policing. Fikile Mbalula (then Deputy Police Minister) encouraged Police to "Shoot the bastards". He also said it was inevitable that "innocent people are going to die" in the battles between Police and criminals.

The irony is that only a day before, during the presentation to National Assembly Mthethwa said that this was to be "the year of the good cop". When DA MP Diane Kohler-Barnard crisiced the Police, saying that they had begun a slow and relentless meltdown, he lambasted her, saying she was "deluded", "living in her own world... People who comment like you... will not distract the police from what they do". Clearly it is you, Mr Mthethwa, who is deluded if you believe that our South African Police Service is not completely dysfunctional. How many more people will have to die at the hands of the Police before you, or the public who voted you in to your position, realise that.

Somehow those in charge of the Police seem blatanly unaware of the problems with the service. How is this possible? Are the trappings of the Gravy Train proving too much of a distraction? Too much time spent in Luxury hotels (Mr Mthethwa)? Lavish weddings in Pennington and dodgy rental agreements (Mr Cele)?

The Gravy Train doesn't stop in Ficksburg - there's not much demand for our services there. No wonder these things can go unnoticed. Choo Choo.

We saw our friend die
Mthethwa rubbishes Kohler-Barnard's claims
Remilitarisation of the Police
Diane Kholer-Barnard's Speech on Police Budget (May 2010)
Shoot the bastards - Fikile Mbalula

Khulubuse Zuma at the trough again

That we have a lot of well connected people on this train goes without saying. Connections are vital for organising a ticket. Let's face it - the tickets are free but you need to know the right people to get one. It's not as if an education, class, skills or competence qualifies you for a ride on this train. And as far as connections go, our next passenger goes all the way to the top. You know, there are many fat cats on this train but few come fatter than this. Follow me to the dining carriage where we are sure to find Khulubuse Zuma (or Beast as we like to call him). Please, do try to keep your distance - there was an awful mix up last year when Beast bit off a bit more than he could chew from one of Kenny Kunene's famous sushi platters.

Khulubuse Zuma

You must know of him: he's is the president's nephew; he's a director of Aurora Empowerment systems with Zondwa Mandela (Madiba's grandson) and Michael Hulley (Jacob Zuma's lawyer) amongst many other dubious achievements. Aurora have been trying to buy two mines from the liquidated Pamodzi Gold since October 2009. They haven't been able to raise the finance but keep getting extentions from the liquidators (see what connections can do for you?) but in the meantime, they've stopped paying the workers, the mines have ground to a halt, they've stopped pumping acid mine water and the mines are being ransacked. Oh, yes, and the odd 'illegal miner' has been killed by their security guards.

One would think, with his financial troubles at Aurora, Beast would need to do a bit of, ahem, belt tightening. But the Gravy Train waits for no man and he recently pledged R1 million to the ANC at an fundraiser in a swanky hotel in Zimbali.

REFERENCES
R1m ANC pledge
Liquidator's reaction to Solidarity claims
Solidarity threatens legal action
Aurora funding extension
Aurora mine killings
Other deals

While he was gorging himself on the dessert tray, one Aurora employee chose to swallow ant poison instead. The poor fellow. Add another corpse to Beast's growing tally. Anyhow, there's always a silver lining as KZN provincial spokesperson Makhosi Khoza announced after the fundraiser: "The good news is that we want to confirm that we did have a good fundraising dinner".

Please stand away from the edge of the platform: the Gravy Train is coming through. Choo Choo!