Planes, Trains and Deatheaters

We had quite a scare the other day on our Gravy Train. I have never seen MPs running so quickly; I thought it was part of Bheki Cele's 'stomach in chest out' Boot Camp style physical training exercises until I heard the blood curdling screams. The train shook as Khulubuse Zuma ran past and though he was out of breath from the brief bout of physical exertion, he was able to wheeze out a panicked warning about Deatheaters on the train. I assumed indigestion was causing him hallucinations again until Bheki Cele drew his weapon and started firing at a dark, cloaked creature gliding through the carriage toward us. "Deatheaters", I thought. "This isn't the Hogwarts' express and there's no Harry Potter on this train! This is the Gravy Train, damn it! And if we were to let cold-blooded, pasty-faced, blood sucking witches on to this train Helen Zille would have got on a long time ago!"

As the creature got closer, it lifted the hood from over its face and its long, drawn features and wild hair, which seemed to have a life of its own, were visible. It stared at us through its cold, evil eyes and we realised what we were facing. It was only Lindiwe Sisulu. It's seems the bullets had lodged in the bullet proof vest she was wearing. It was the latest technology from Denel, which Lindiwe said she was actively trying to sell to Gaddafi but was struggling to reach him for some reason.

Lindiwe Sisulu

REFERENCES
Sisulu defends VIP plane spending
No cash for SA air force to fly Gripens
Air force wanted to buy six vip jets

Minister Sisulu is officially the Minister of Defence but recently she has been coordinating our planned expansion into new markets. Yes, we're taking to the skies and we hope to launch the new Gravy Plane very soon. Well, by the sounds of things there will be a few planes. That's in addition to the Boeing Business Jet that was bought for Thabo Mkebi in 2001. Soon we will have a Gravy Plane fleet. The new planes will be leased for R800 million rand. Really it’s a drop in the ocean when one considers every thing else the budget is spent on – schools, housing, etc. – it could be lost in the rounding.

Some might say that in recessionary times as these some fiscal prudence could be called for. Maybe our VIPs could fly, like those in New Zealand & Denmark, on commercial airliners. They could even fly first class. Preposterous! Why how could anyone even contemplate flying on a commercial airliner - even in first class - after they have grown accustomed to the luxuries on the Gravy Train... and very soon the Gravy Plane.

Please take your seats and fasten your seat belts, as we taxi to the runway. And thank you for flying the Gravy Plane. Please come again.